tired, but yay new friend

uggggggg so tired right now. woke up around 4 and it took me a long time to fall back asleep. I think I woke up because I was hot, and then just couldn’t fall back asleep. And of course, today I have nothing but meetings. I’m seeing a fair amount of coffee in my future.

I met Ava last night and had a really great time. We went to this tea shop in Nob Hill, and ended up talking for over two hours. I didn’t get home till almost 10. She is very sweet, and fun to talk to. We are already planning to get together, her and her husband and me and Tim next week for dinner. And she is in a production of the Vagina Monologues which I will definitely go to. It was really good to be out with a girl. I think I am liking this having friends thing again. 🙂

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perfect sleep…ruined by alarm

normally, or at least lately, I toss and turn a lot at night. Even though our bed is super comfortable, I usually end up stirring frequently. Or I will wake up in the middle of the night and lie awake for a long time before I go back to sleep.

I slept so well last night, I was so comfortable– not too hot, not squished from Myra. Purr.Sigh. Then my alarm goes off. I still could have gone back to sleep easily, but no…I have to be a grown up and go to work. Sucks some times 🙂

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a very good weekend

Split splat go the raindrops. While I won’t deny I miss the sun at times, the rain sounds very comforting when I am going to bed, and on weekends when I can stay in bed, it makes me feel very snuggly.

Holy cow, we had an earthquake. It was a baby one, but the house very definitely shook, it felt like a giant had grabbed hold of the house and was trying to shake it like you shake snowglobes. It wasn’t even big enough to knock anything off walls or the desks, but it was still a weird feeling. I think I will keep California as a visiting place, not a living place, thank you very much.

But we had such a nice weekend. Friday, we stayed in and watched Gilmore Girls. Saturday, I was really not looking forward to going to the movies with Danielle, and I was crabby because I hadn’t gone grocery shopping yet and therefore didn’t have any food I wanted.

But surprise, I had a really good time. We saw Nanny McPhee, and even though it was a very rainy Saturday afternoon, and the theater was packed with kids, they were all really good and not screechy. The movie was funny, Emma Thompson was wonderful.

I came home, napped for a bit, and was feeling generally wishywashy about going to the Girls Night out thing. I reread the bios of some of the people who were going, and they were all older, mostly late 30s, early 40s, and I didn’t see myself having a lot in common with them.

So, I ditched girls night, and Tim and I went to Kells, a really great Irish pub in downtown, with live Irish music every night. The music was great, I can’t wait to go back during the week, it was packed when we were there. We had so much fun. I feel like I’m starting to discover all these cool areas of Portland, and I can’t wait to do more.

I am possibly meeting Ava tomorrow night, and I am meeting Tawny Tuesday night. My ad seems to have attracted very cool, like-minded people, and I am looking forward to getting to know them. Tim is going to go out with Joel to watch hockey, probably while I am gone, and that is good too.

Myra put herself to bed tonight at 6 pm. She is in her crate, mostly asleep, and very happy when we bring her her felix and close her crate door. She is so impossibly cute, and such a good dog. It is so cute when she puts herself to bed.

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personality test

Your Personality Profile

You are dreamy, peaceful, and young at heart. Optimistic and caring, you tend to see the best in people. You tend to be always smiling – and making others smile. You are shy and intelligent… and a very hard worker. You’re also funny, but many people don’t see your funny side. Your subtle dry humor leaves your close friends in stitches.

The World’s Shortest Personality Test

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hooray!

Had a friend date with Nell, and had a really nice time. We went to this amazing vietnamese restaurant, and I ordered sweet and sour tofu, and she ordered mock duck curry and we shared. The food was great, and it was cool to talk to her more. I didn’t realize I missed talking to girls, but I did.

It takes her a little while to warm up, but once she did, she was sweet. She invited Tim and I to go out dancing for 80s night tomorrow, and I think we will go, at least for an hour. And she was making references to future plans, so I think she had fun too. One of the places she wants to go to is called Pick, and according to Nell, they have orgasmic desserts. Desserts you don’t need sex for a week after, they are so good. Needless to say, I said I would be happy to go there sometime and try some of the desserts. We were going to go tonight, but we were full from dinner.

I also found us a near area to check out for our next house. She lives in Southeast, somewhat near Hawthorne. The houses were really nice, there seems to be a lot of cool restaurants and coffee shops in the area, but the residential parts are still quiet. I liked that area a lot. I am going to take Tim there on Sunday and wander around.

And….Tim got his Kangoo Jump shoes! He is really excited for them. I got home and tried them on, and I can’t wait to get my own pair. They are heavy at first, but when they are on, they don’t feel heavy at all. It is a neat sensation, and I tried taking a few running steps in the kitchen, and I will love running in these. And I think Tim will be able to start running more, because I don’t think he will have any pain. They make you ginormous though, it was weird to be so tall, and so high off the ground and yet not feel like I was going to fall over.

All in all, a good end to the day!

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bad blogger…and opening the friend gates

Hello blog! How i missed you! Did you miss me as well?

I haven’t been on in a few days and by yesterday I was really starting to miss blogging. It is just such a good way for me to get out of some of the noise in my head, maybe make sense of it.

I have made good progress in meeting some new friends out here. I finally met Nell, we got lunch earlier in the week. At first, she was very West Coast Flat. Not reacting to much, not very engaging. West Coast Flat is soo hard to work with, hard to get a proper conversation going.

But towards the end of the conversation, she started to warm up and seemed nicer and more fun. We are supposed to go out tonight for dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant with great veggie options. Nell has been there and said the food is amazing, I am looking forward to trying it.

My craigslist ad seems to have been successful. I had a number of girls write back who sound interesting, upbeat and fun. I’ve been talking a lot with Teresa, who seems very nice, but I get the feeling she is very impressed with being smart and tries to show it off. So far, I think Tawny is the winner, she is my age, loves trying new stuff (like sky diving) and has been to 17 different countries.

I am definitely excited at the prospect of having girls to talk to and hang out with again, but it’s weird also. It has been just Tim and me for so long now, that it feels hard to break out of that safety/comfort zone. And I think Tim might feel slightly left out, because he still isn’t really meeting people (other than Joel at the dog park.) It will come in time, but like any new thing, it feels weird/hard at first.

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interesting dream on gratitude

For a dream that started out scary and violent, it turned out pretty cool.

It seems the devil had taken over. There was a lot of destruction, and killing of people. One particularly horrifying scene was I was in this room with a group of other people, and a little boy was singled out to go to a different room. His mother went with him, but once the doors closed, you could hear the boy crying and screaming and I knew he was killed.

Then, everyone (from the town?) was sitting in what looked like a church, but the devil was in control. He had essentially got to everyone, and they were all lost, thinking about the saddest and most painful memories of their lives, essentially feeling hopeless.

So I started walking around to everyone, telling them what I was grateful for. The more I did it, the more frustrated the devil became. But I kept talking, telling everyone that they can choose what they focus on in life. They can choose pain or sadness, or they can choose gratitude. I told them it didn’t have to be big things they were grateful for, but they needed to find at least one thing they were grateful and happy for, and focus on that. More and more people started finding at least one thing they were grateful for, and soon, the devil had lost all control over them.

I really believe in the message of that dream. Life isn’t always roses and perfect, but you have to power to focus on what you want. If you focus on how things aren’t what you want, or things aren’t working out how you envisioned, then that becomes all you see. But if you find the positive, and focus on that, it becomes easier to see more positive, and then it is easier to focus on making positive changes.

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do nothing day, but extending the friend branch

I was going to say I can’t believe I slept almost all day, but this is me, I really shouldn’t be surprised by that anymore. I got up around 10:30, lounged around till 1:30 or so, then promptly fell asleep for two hours. So now it is 5:30 and I have done really nothing all day. While I would have liked to been a bit more productive, I didn’t mind getting some rest. It’s tough to be part cat. The sad part is I still feel tired. I am going to assume that is because I haven’t eaten much or had much water today.

But…I have made efforts to make friends out here. Tim helped me write a craigslist posting. I decided that this would give me a little more control over the process, and maybe pop up some people I wouldn’t find otherwise. I am getting tired of having no one here to hang out with, and I feel good that I finally put up a posting.

I’ve had three girls write back already, one who sounds really fun and like someone I would enjoy spending time with, one who is younger and could be ok, and one who is my age, comes across in emails as funny and smart, but we’ll see how we hit it off. She doesn’t look like a fun or silly friend, but maybe having a more serious friend isn’t so bad either. And if none of them work out, at least I made an effort. And next Saturday, I am going to be brave and go to a girls night out with women I don’t know. That is big for me in several ways, because I rarely do group things, especially group things where I really don’t know anyone. But being brave and forcing myself to not be shy is a good thing. And again, I might or might not meet anyone, but getting out has to be good.

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body image and words of wisdom

I had class last night, first time in two weeks. Overall, I think I am getting better at the moves and can do more of the conditioning. Of course, at one point I had to stop altogether because I felt lightheaded and woozy. I don’t know if that was from being sick over the weekend, not doing it for two weeks, or from hitting my head on the locker really hard before class. But I did finish the class, so that was a little better.

There was this girl in front of me, thin, great arms, just wearing a long sports bar and no top. She looked great, and of course I started comparing myself against her, and some of the other girls in the class. I felt fat and lumpy, not little or toned. I felt sad, frustrated with myself, and wanting to look like them.

When I told Tim, he said something that really made sense. He said I can’t compare myself against them, because maybe they’ve been exercising longer than I have, maybe they have a smaller body frame. He said it’s the same with people who are heavier than me, because maybe they haven’t been exercising that long, maybe they have a condition that makes them heavier. He said I can only compare myself against myself, how I was a few months ago, how I was a year ago. How are my pants fitting today vs. a month ago? How am I feeling vs. three months ago? That is the only thing I can compare, because I know all the variables.

I’ve always looked at girls with “better” or “thinner” bodies, wishing I looked like them, but I never really stopped to think that I really can’t compare. So I will try not to compare myself to others and just try to be happy with how I look, how I feel, and just keep improving.

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ugg, groggy from dreams

Usually, I wake up before my alarm goes off, but today I was in the middle of a dream so now I just feel groggy and out of it.

I was back east, and something good happened to me (new job, graduated, I don’t know what) and my friends were having a party for me. I wanted to stay but my parents were throwing me a party just an hour later and I had to go to that. I was expecting it to be all my parents’ friends, but when I asked my mom who was coming, she invited all these “friends” that I am not friends with anymore and don’t talk to. She started crying when I told her this, either because she felt like she didn’t know me, or she felt like she couldn’t make me happy.

I left the house and went for a walk, and while it was definitely the right street, it was a much smaller, cheaper and not nice house. It was super stormy, and the river at the bottom of my parents’ street was flooded. I ended up feeling bad about how I acted about my mom’s party and ended up going back.

Normally, I can’t understand my dreams at all, but this one is pretty clear. My mom doesn’t know me that well, she does stuff for me that I don’t want, I tell her that, she gets upset and I end up doing what she wants to some extent. Sounds pretty typical of us. Ug. Can I go back to sleep now, please?

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