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Archive for December, 2007

How could anyone tell you you’re anything less than beautiful

How could anyone tell you you’re anything less than whole

How could anyone fail to notice

your loving is a miracle

so completely part of my soul.

— Lyrics from a song I heard a long time ago. For anyone who has doubted themselves, doubted their worth, or felt less than, I hope these words put a gentle, loving end on 2007 for you and I hope 2008 brings love, laughter, adventures and some magic. Magic, you say? Yes — magic is key, and it is all around you, you just have to be open to it. And when you see a Flying Mermaid, don’t forget to make a wish!

Happy New Year’s 🙂

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A Friday’s Feast prompt (yes, I know it is Sunday, and I did Sunday Scribblings yesterday. Deal :p )

Appetizer
Name 2 things you would like to accomplish in 2008.

I want to set up an ETSY shop or similar to sell my photographs 

I want to send “The Invisible Elephant” off to publishers. 

Soup
With which cartoon character do you share personality traits?

I was going to automatically say Ariel because she is a red-headed mermaid, much like me, but I think I am probably more like Lilo from Lilo and Stitch — I will take in and fall in love with the strays that no one else wants, and no one else can see what makes them special.
Salad
What time of day (or night) were you born?

7:31 a.m. However, I am not by nature a morning person 

Main Course
Tell us something special about your hometown.

My hometown is home to my favorite beach. It is not the most glamorous or dramatic, it is a quiet beauty, and it is perfect. It isn’t touristy. It isn’t overly built up. And it has migratory sand. Every year, the sand leaves sometime around the end of September, and returns sometime around early June. I don’t quite know why this is. 

Dessert
If you could receive a letter from anyone in the world, who would you want to get one from?

I would want to get a letter from my grandfather who died when I was four. 

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The following was inspired by a creative writing prompt — weave a story that revolves around the cliche, “drown your sorrows.” This is an entirely fictional post, don’t worry about me! 

I don’t get the expression, “drown your sorrows.” I have tried it, numerous times, and it hasn’t worked yet. I tried sitting at the bottom of the neighborhood swimming pool, but I kept floating to the surface. I grabbed some things to weigh me down and tried again, but unfortunately, I grabbed one of the kid’s floating devices. It would be my luck that on the day that I am trying to drown my sorrows, there aren’t any heavy rocks conveniently located nearby.

I tried drinking an entire gallon of water in about two minutes. I just ended up with a stomachache and had to pee a lot for the rest of the day.

I tried drowning my sorrows in the bathtub. But the water kept draining off every time I tried, and I would have to stop and add more water. I finally gave up and toweled off, and was rather annoyed to see that my skin was so wrinkly.

I tried drowning my sorrows with alcohol, but I am the ultimate lightweight drinker. I have one drink, start feeling all silly and giddy (and the fact that I was feeling silly and giddy wasn’t helping me to drown my sorrows) and then I get sleepy. I suppose I could sleep off my sorrows, but drowning them seems so much more harsh and final.

So, the fact that I have failed, repeatedly, at drowning my sorrows, surely that must be added to my sorrow list. I wonder if I put my sorrows onto a boat, if I sunk the boat, could I drown my sorrows that way? That will have to be an experiment for a different day, because I have to go pee again.

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Then I was really shy, especially in crowds

Now, I am comfortable talking to just about anyone and rarely feel like the shy wallflower girl anymore. I still feel a little shy at times, but it doesn’t paralyze me.

Then, I felt invisible in many ways

Now, I am confident wearing short black dresses, striped tights and black bitch boots. I am confident wearing flitty skirts, bright blue tights, or fun tops. I don’t feel invisible anymore.

Then, I never identified myself as a writer, even though I wrote professionally.

Now, I like telling people I am a writer and a photographer.

Then, I acted like I didn’t care what people thought

Now, I really don’t care. I am going to do what makes me happy, when I feel like it, and if it makes other people feel odd or uncomfortable, well, that’s not my intent, but I’m not going to not do things for fear of someone’s disapproval.

Then, I was the kid picked last in gym class, the one no one wanted on their team.

Now, I love running. I have biked a century. I have started training for a half-marathon and a marathon at different times, and even though I got injured both times, that doesn’t mean I am giving up on realizing those goals at some point.

Then, I never felt sexy or attractive.
Now, I feel differently, and I know a large part of that is related to confidence.

Then, I kept my light from shining

Now, I want to let my light shine brighter and brighter.

Then, I was pretty klutzy.

Now, I know that inanimate objects such as walls and doors and tables actually come to life to jump in my path. Knives hurl themselves at my feet. Glass walls outside of news studios just magically spring up just as I am walking by, so I walk dead on into the wall, only to see the news anchors — who are filming, live, inside — try to not crack up on the air. It is clearly the inanimate objects trying to thwart me. It can’t possibly be me 🙂

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For other takes on this subject, please visit Sunday Scribblings

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The gifts I would really like to give to the people I love are of the intangible sort that are hard to wrap up and put under a tree. So I will list them here instead. While I realize that won’t make my wishes real, I firmly believe that putting positive energy and good wishes out into the universe, especially directed at specific people, is never a bad thing.

For SheHangsBrightly, I wish for her heart to start healing, I wish for her to find a new job that will make her money situation feel less tight, and for her to find happiness again — first with herself, and then with a significant other.

For my mom, I wish for her back to heal even more so she isn’t in pain after a long day at work.

For my parents, I wish them financial health, because I know it adds so much stress to both of them.

For Tim, I wish for a new job that would challenge him and would give him growth opportunity.

For Omgirly, I wish for health for her new pup, Keeley

For BlissWarrior, I wish for peace from the ex.

For Daisies, I wish for healing for her heart, because I know she and her family have suffered many losses and it takes its toll.

For Savannah, I wish for success in the coming semester.

For B, who I am so very happy to have back in my life, I wish for success with his new role/project at work, although I know he will be kickass at it.

Happy holidays and love,

Kelly the Flying Mermaid

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I know I am biased, but I really do think she is the sweetest, happiest and prettiest pup.

Myra got an early Christmas present on Saturday — a new soccer ball. She absolutely adored it. She would chase it way longer than she chases her other balls. She would beg to go out so she could go play with it some more. She is a great goalie, although technically she guards the ball so it is hard to get a shot past her. If I wasn’t playing with her, she would just go outside and wag at her ball, hoping it would start magically playing with her. And then, tragedy. There is an open crawl space under the house. The ball ended up underneath the house, pretty much exactly where we can’t reach it without crawling under the house to retrieve it. I have never heard such sad puppy squeaks as when her ball went under the house and wasn’t coming back out. She kept racing back and forth between two sides of the house, peering under and squeaking for her ball. She has never tried to go under the house, but she looked like she wanted to. So very sad. We will be buying her a new soccer ball, but for now, it is good she has a short memory and lots of new toys!

Giving Myra toys is always fun. She always knows when there is something for her, and she has never once ever tried to go after something that wasn’t hers. But normally, she only gets one new thing at a time, and she will run off and play with it. For Christmas, we buy the big, pre-made stocking from PetCo with about 10 toys in it. She first tries to play with everything, then settles on laying on top of her new toy pile and chewing on her favorite (for the moment). I love this picture of her in her toy hoard.

For me, cinnamon buns are a Christmas tradition, and fortunately, KinnikKinnick makes Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free cinnamon buns. And naturally Myra got a little taste of Christmas buns as well. She’s already been out to play with her new tennis balls and will probably get to go for a walk soon.

It’s good to be a puppy!

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Every year, my parents put these up in the living room (except for a few years where I didn’t want them up, some dumb teenage reason). I love seeing how I changed from year to year. And apparently, I had a few plaid years 🙂

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Warning — this post will contain health information (I will keep it fairly toned down) and rants directed at the “traditional” medicine system in place in the United States, as it relates to certain health problems. If you don’t want to read about health stuff, you might want to duck out now.

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In the past year, I found out I have dermatitis herpetiformis (not actually related to herpes, despite the name), which is actually related to celiac disease. But finding this out was difficult and frustrating, as is the case for most people who also suffer from these. It shouldn’t be that way.

For over a year, I had lots of stomach problems. My stomach was always bloated. I had very weird, deep back pain, that was not muscle or bone related. I felt tired and sluggish a lot. I had “bathroom” stuff as well that scared me.

I went to my doctor several times. I was put on prescription acid reflux medicine. I had blood tests. I was poked and prodded a couple of times, and always ended up feeling like the doctors were making it out that I was crazy. I had a colonoscopy, and the GI doctor was just awful. He told me when I got my results and had my follow up, that he couldn’t see anything wrong, so there wasn’t any problem. So, I’m making up all the issues I’m having??

And this was after I had a bunch of stomach tests a few years before — ultrasound, CT scan, MRI, some test where I had to drink that nasty radioactive chalky liquid. They all came back fine, which is nice, except it didn’t explain why I was having these problems.

And then my skin problems started. I have very sensitive skin, and I’ve always had eczema, but all of a sudden it started getting MUCH worse, looked different, felt different, acted different. Showering would make me cry because it hurt. I felt like I wanted to tear my skin off. I started going to a dermatologist. This was just as bad if not worse than the GI specialist. The dermatologist kept insisting I had eczema and I just have dry skin that I need to keep moisturized. He just kept giving me different skin creams, most of which didn’t touch the problem. And all the while, I feel like I’m going out of my mind, because the only solutions were just more medicine, and I felt like they weren’t really listening to me or understanding how bad I felt. I wanted to know what was causing all of this, and no one was helping me.

I finally went to a naturopath, who immediately put me on an anti-inflammatory diet, or a very strict elimination diet, for about 6 weeks. It was really, really hard, but suddenly…I felt better. My skin started clearing up. My stomach problems went away. I stopped feeling so sluggish. Then, after I had been on the diet for about 6 weeks, I had to start adding food back in. And as soon as I added wheat and gluten back in, BAM! Stomach problems came back. Skin problems came back worse than before.  When I went back to the naturopath, she told me that she suspected I had celiac disease and dermatitis herpetiformis as soon as she started talking to me. But yet, no other “traditional” doctor ever suggested I might have a food allergy that might be making my body attack itself. No other doctor thought the skin problems and stomach problems might be related.

And this is where my rant really starts. Celiac disease is VERY common, the National Institute of Health believes that 1 in 100 people have celiac. Many are undiagnosed. And most people who have it, go through similar experiences, if not worse than what I went through before they are finally diagnosed.  And through it all, they are made to feel like they are crazy or they are making up the problems. Same is true for DH.

I don’t know exactly why this is, but I think it has to do with the traditional Western approach to medicine where you treat the visible symptom, not necessarily look for the underlying cause. And medicine is so specialized, that skin doctors don’t ever consider that GI problems could be related, and vice versa. They aren’t trained to treat the whole person. And then there’s the fact that you can’t treat Celiac Disease with a simple pill. It requires a lifestyle change. It requires work on the part of the patient, constant work. And you have to treat it by what you eat and what you don’t eat, which is not how traditional medicine seems to work here. So people are left going through test after test, feeling miserable and not knowing why. I’ve heard of people asking their doctor to test them for Celiac (there is a blood test) and being told that is not a real problem, or that is certainly not what is causing their health problems.

There is no real point to all of this, other than a heartfelt wish for traditional doctors to really listen to their patients. To try to find the root cause of the problem, and not just the surface solution. And that people who have not yet been diagnosed to get the answers they seek and know that there are doctors out there who do listen, who do understand, and that you really can feel better.

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When I started at my job, my boss kept telling me I needed to decorate my cube, but I didn’t think it mattered.

But I have little things all around my desk at home, and it is my favorite spot in the house, because they are all little things that I love to see. When I started decorating my cube at work, I realized that it does matter, it does make a difference, when you are surrounded by little happy things.

At work, I have Clive the Pocket Lion sitting on top of my monitor. He has a red nose, heart-shaped pads on his feet, and a rather dashing red with pink hearts ribbon around his neck. He protects me, as best as a stuffed pocket lion can protect anyone. He is very dedicated to his job.

Hanging up, I have a pen and ink picture I bought when I was in Ireland, signed by the artist, whom I sat with for over an hour in his shop, just talking to him. Next to that, I have a watercolor painting that I got in Paris. I don’t especially have strong love for Paris itself, but I love artwork of Paris. And it is in lovely blues and greens with purplish clouds, and I love it. Next to that, I have a picture I drew in watercolor pencils, of a winged redhead rising from the flames. Next to that is a mandalla that I colored, with bright orange and greens and purples. I love how the colors look together.

And today, my boss gave me a little metal fairy with a green sparkly star crown, so she is my cube fairy now. And yesterday I got a photo card from one of the managers here, of this neat piece of green seaweed on white sand. It’s lovely.

What little bits of happiness surround you?

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I am a woman

What does that mean to you?

Do you think sugar and spice and everything nice?

Well, you shouldn’t, doesn’t always apply

Do you see me as a pretty poster girl?

Oh so pretty but so not real? Not my style.

You could guess forever but come no closer

I create who I want to be

and I create who I want you to see.

At first glance, you can see my pretty shell

with my fiery hair and proud wild curls

eyes that change with my inner seasons

and mouth with teeth I have always loved.

But what does that say about me?

I am a woman

What do you think when I say that?

Do you want to protect me, take me under your wing?

Well, I have strength enough for two

and I can fly higher than everything.

I can run forever with my legs long and lean

and I can embrace love and life with my strong arma.

I can’t fit into neat little category boxes

The molds of what women should be don’t cover all that I have inside

I am a woman

I have a dark side with anger that can burn

I can dance wild and free to the sweet earth music

or weep over things I could never explain.

I am a flower, opening to light and for those who believe

Closing myself to the dark and those who can’t take me as I am

I am a woman

Are you starting to see?

Do you think you could ever really know me?

I am as old as the moon

and as young as today’s dawn

There are infinite ways to see me

for I have infinite feelings and ideas to explore

Get ready, for there are so many things to do

Think you can keep up with me?

I will share myself unselfishly

but if you try to change me, I’ll be gone with the wind.

I am a woman.

Don’t you think that is a beautiful word?

That was written when I was 20. Pretty brash and confident for what seems like a baby now!

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