Photo happiness

The past month, and longer, I’ve not been myself, trapped in being unwell, with no energy left for anything I normally do. The fog is lifting, sun is breaking up the shadows and I am feeling much more like my usual mermaid self.

Some recent-ish photos that I love, and that make me feel happy, just because. Small slices of happiness are worth sharing! And the story of what’s been going on with me will be coming soon. It’s nice to feel I’m coming out the other side of it now.

 

Spiderwebs and glowing light. Nature’s art.

 

I adore old books!

This was actually set up for a photo shoot I was working on with Husband, he was doing an interview and thought he wanted the chair. I just loved this shot I took as I was setting up. No reason. It just spoke to me.

 

playing around, waiting for another photo shoot to start. I think I want to get this one framed.

Rich color and contrasts. Swoon.

A happy little flower, content with its face in the sun, and not afraid of the dark behind it. Yes.

yes please – sunshine and green and a proud little flower.

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An update

An update to this post:

Candlelight for a magic spell

WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! We just got a call from our landlord, and they are sending out the deposit, plus the pet deposit, minus a $120 cleaning fee, by Monday.

This was very, very, very much appreciated!

and um….we never paid April rent and just assumed that they had kept the security deposit for that rent, but…no! (they never mentioned it, so I certainly wasn’t going to!)

It is very powerful to send out your very clear prayers to the universe, and to express gratitude for the abundance you have already received and the abundance that you will continue to receive, the abundance that already exists for you but might be taking a bit of time to show up in a real, visible way.

I have found this to be true on many occasions, and I am always surprised when it works, but it does. And Universe, THANK YOU! I am grateful for the abundance that you have provided and will continue to provide!

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Candlelight for a magic spell

I am a mermaid in need of some magic right now. And all good magic spells should start with some candle light. And this candle is exactly the right one, as it is from a company called Maison (french for house, and as it turns out, I need house magic). The scent is pomegranate and mango, and let me tell you, it is divine. And the color is this lovely, rich red. Swoon.

Why do I need house magic when I just bought a beautiful new house? I need house magic for the rental house that we left. I am on the lease through the end of April, unless they rent it out before that. And I realize I have been sabotaging my own efforts by saying and thinking things like, I feel chained to that house, I feel like my work there is never-ending, it is the move that won’t end. I just mailed in the March rent payment, and have also been saying unproductive things like I don’t think they are going to give us the security deposit back.

No more. I am changing my focus on this. And asking for magic in the process.

Dear Universe,

The rental house came to me at a time when I really needed it, when it was either find a place to live or look at moving out of North Carolina, at least temporarily. This was my first week in the state, after a disastrous first rental house experience here.

Thank you for sending me the house when you did and letting us get in the house so quickly.

For the most part, living there was a good experience. I enjoyed living there, the neighborhood was nice and quiet, it was what I needed at the time.

A lot happened while I lived there, including some major life changes. And it all led to now, to when B and I were able to find this perfect, lovely, amazing home for us and MyraWonderPup. I’ve been here a month and this already feels like home. I am so grateful to be here, and for how the move fell into place.

Now, I need you to release me from the rental house. I no longer need it. I am not chained to it, we walked away freely, to follow an amazing opportunity.We are ready to be financially free from the house. I believe the house will rent quickly now. I believe we won’t have to pay any more rent, and I believe we will get our security deposit returned to us.

Thank you for all the blessings and assistance, with the rental house when we needed it and our new home, when we were ready for it. Now I am asking for your assistance to free us from the house that we no longer need.

Love,

The Flying Mermaid.

PS, Universe, you rock in many ways, but a special thank you for the snow day you sent today, it was just what I needed!

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To 2008

2008 started out innocently enough, but I was questioning the relationship I was in at the time and feeling as though it wasn’t the relationship I was to spend the rest of my life in.

Then I got the call at work. My mom had had another grand mal seizure and was in the hospital, maybe a day or two before I was scheduled to fly up for a slightly post-Christmas Christmas with my family. I felt as far away and helpless as I did when I got a similar call in Portland. But this time, it appeared even worse, as my mom was even in greater pain this time and we learned she had fractured more vertebrae in her spine. All of a sudden, our Christmas plans flew out the window and I scrambled at work to make arrangements. All I knew was that I had to be home to help my mom, and I didn’t know how long I would be out of the office. My boss and everyone at work were great and helpful. When I arrived in Massachusetts, seeing my mom in the hospital bed, in pain, was heart-wrenching and frightening. Daughter had to become Mother and I had to take care of my mom, as she couldn’t do much on her own when she came home from the hospital and my dad couldn’t take that much time off of work. I will always be grateful to my boss for making it possible for me to be there, through some creative figuring of my vacation and sick time.

But despite the fear and my new role as temporary caretaker, the time up north also presented me with a gift. While I was up there, I had a chance to go to New Hampshire on a day my dad had taken off work to take my  mom to see her neurologist. The trip to NH was to see B, for the first time in almost a decade. He had e-mailed me back in November and our friendship immediately began again with that first e-mail. I drove up north to see him on Jan. 8, nervous and excited and even more. When I first saw him, when he first picked me up in a mighty bear hug and swung me around, I knew. My heart knew.

When I left Massachusetts to return to North Carolina, I was nervous to leave my mom, even though she had made significant improvements just in the two weeks I was home with her, and I knew that I had to end things with Tim. It was hard, but very amicable, Tim wanted me happy, and he knew things with us weren’t working. We are still close friends.

Ending one relationship, I walked into another, one that felt like coming home, but B was still living in New Hampshire. We spent a lot of the first half of the year on planes and airports, and I cried more in those months than I had probably in the year or two previous. Every time we left each other again, my heart ripped out of my chest, and missing him was my constant companion.

Not long after I came back to NC, Mik moved down from Massachusetts, and she and Loki moved in here with me and MyraWonderPup. I had never really had a roommate — I lived with two of my past boyfriends, and I had a roommate briefly before I moved in with Tim, so we both had some learning and adjustments to make.

B finally moved down here, home with me, in August. Since then, I have started rock climbing with him, and found a new love and passion.

Through it all, I’ve  fallen more in love with photography, got back into painting, began to explore more with cooking, and started dancing with the stories in my head again.

2009 looks like it will be a busy, adventurous first half of the year — buying a house, moving, planning for our May wedding, honeymoon in Belize. But I really want to find and take more time for me this year, to pursue and focus on the things that get my heart stirring and send my spirits flying – photography, writing, playing with color, climbing, being outdoors, and of course…loving B, and adventuring side by side from now on.

Welcome, 2009.

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Thank you Universe, and more big news

The universe does listen and respond to positive visualizations that you put out there.

B and I had my credit union look over our credit scores/reports and see if we could pre-qualify for a home loan. We were both very nervous about it, trying to look at it as if they said no, it would just give us information on what we would need to work on to get qualified. But at the same time, we were both visualizing getting a yes, and I spent a lot of time visualizing us in our own house.

And it worked! We are going to be home owners! And because it is through a credit union and they will own the loan, and we met their criteria, the loan is certain. And we don’t have to pay any down payment. And we don’t have to pay any PMI.

We were actually qualified for a lot more than we actually want in a house, but there are a lot of nice houses in the range that we are very comfortable paying.

I am so excited to start looking for a home with B, we are going to start after we get back from Massachusetts visiting my family for Christmas.

A house where I can hang anything I want. A house where I can paint the walls and live with color like I so very much want. A house I won’t have to ask permission to do anything. And a home where B and I can start building our life together.

Thank you, Universe.

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Welcoming gratitude

I never really thought Thanksgiving was one of my favorite holidays — it is so easy to get caught up in the “Have to travel, lots of people on the road, blah blah” of it. And I’m a Christmas girl. I love the magic of the season. I love Christmas decorations and carols and presents, finding things I think the people I love will love to receive, finding out what Santa brought. (I know a certain Grinchette is gagging right now 🙂 ).

But in the past few years, I’ve really started to enjoy the simple pleasures of Thanksgiving — sharing food with people you love. Thinking of things you are grateful for, celebrating those things.

I have a lot to be grateful for, and I know it — B, my family, my parents working on their health and doing great with it, my mom doing SO much better than how she was at the start of the year, my good relationship with my parents, good friends, lots of love, lots of laughter, my good health, a good job, my creativity, sharing my life with someone who is creative and passionate and always wanting to grow and do more, a nice house to live in, a reliable Toaster car, Myra the WonderPup and the joy and love she brings to my life, a better appreciation of food as a result of my food allergies (I cook more now than I ever have, and I enjoy the food so much more), living in the South and not having to deal with New England winters anymore, being physically strong enough to rock climb and run through the woods, and all the magic and joy that finds its way into my life.

A couple of posts from blog land have really got me thinking and have been EXACTLY what I needed to read and to be reminded of”

This post that felt like getting a smack on the head from the Universe, and which I have printed out and have hanging in my cube and work, and will print out and make another copy to keep at my desk at home.

This post on my lovely friend Brandi’s blog (who is on this amazing journey to heal herself, and she just rocks the socks in all kinds of ways)

And this cd, which has many of the amazing songs that were part of President-elect Obama’s (YAY!) campaign, and the songs are uplifting songs of hope, intercut with excerpts from his speeches (and one from Martin Luther King Jr.’s I have a dream speech). It gave me chills the first time I listened to it, and it fills me with hope. If you want some inspiration, or just some great music, grab this. You will not be sorry.

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30

30

year of big changes

big leaps

becoming me

finding new passion

growing into the girl I always wanted to be, the one I felt like on the inside, who is now reflected on the outside

——-

Moved to North Carolina from Oregon

Stayed in NC even though everything at first seemed to laugh and say This is not for you

But I fought through that, the tumultuousness, the financial stress, the what am I doing

and fell in love

North Carolina speaks to me

I fell in love with the sunshine, and even the heat seems to fit with me most of the time. I am a summer baby after all.

Found a job in a place that suits me well, challenges me intellectually and allows me to play with the different aspects of my work self. And it doesn’t drain me creatively during the day, so I have more time and thoughts for creativity outside of work, for me.

Took a creative leap and sold my first photographs, and felt a deep thrill at the enthusiastic response and encouragement and people’s desires for more. I found ME in this. I always felt I was a writer, and I started to play with a camera and enjoyed it but was a little scared of it as well. I’m not a photographer, I would say. I don’t know what I’m doing, I would say. And I am still a writer, and will always be a writer (and even that is a leap for me, saying I am a writer. I have written professionally for about 10 years but am only now comfortable saying I am a writer). Words dance in my head, stories are born in my dreams. But now, now I say I am a photographer. I get a deep joy and child-like enthusiasm at taking photos. I think in photos. I feel my fingers itch to have a camera with me whenever I don’t. And I love bringing joy to others through the way I see the world, sharing the beauty I see.

Found my health finally, after giving up gluten and casein. After feeling sick more often than not for a long time, feeling healthy and full of energy and not in a brain fog more often than not now is an incredible gift. A gift that takes a lot of work, but then, good health always takes work.

Found a new confidence as well and began wearing clothes that I always wanted to wear but never felt comfortable in — flitty skirts, bitch boots, heels, fun tops, lots of color and fun and feeling like me in how I dress. The girl who used to think, “oh I could never wear that,” now feels totally comfortable in those things, and now hear people saying to me, “oh I could never wear what you wear, I could never pull that off.”

Some of the changes were sad, difficult. I left a long-term relationship with someone I love and care about and who is one of my best friends but we were moving in different directions and needed different things and didn’t fit the same way anymore.

Since then, I have spent the longest time since I first moved out of my parents’ house after college not living with a boyfriend, and instead living with my best friend, SheHangsBrightly, for the first time, and the first time really living with a roommate. Both things have taught me a lot, and hopefully made me a better person to live with, as well as helping me learn how to make time for me, which is very important.

And some of the changes have brought great joy. After not speaking or seeing each other since 1999, I reconnected with my first love, my first boyfriend. We became friends again. We realized how much we had missed each other. And we realized we felt something much more for each other, something we have both always felt, even in our time apart. And after months of a long-distance relationship and numerous trips on my part up to NH and numerous trips on B’s part down here, B will be moving down home here on August 15. I can’t wait.

There have been many more challenges in there, and many more moments of joy and discovery and finding myself heading down a path that seems to be the one I was meant to walk down, but this captures the big stuff.

30 was an amazing year, and the opening of a door of many new possibilities and discovering of me, and becoming more authentically me all the time, and letting my light shine brightly.

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Boom de Yada!

My dad sent me the link to this song, and I am completely in love with it.

I think if I were to have a theme song, a song that defines my general outlook on life, I think right now (and most of the time, really), this would be it.

The video ends with, “The world is just awesome.” It really is.

Click here to enjoy the song and video. And plan on this song getting stuck in your head, but if you are anything like me, that’s not a bad thing.

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Be led by joy

My note from The Universe this morning: 

If you ask me, Kelly, I’d say the main thing to keeping the main thing the main thing, is reminding yourself as often as you can of where the most joy will come from.

Ain’t no thing –
The Universe

In other words, Kelly, the main thing is keeping focused on your true end result, not the “hows” of getting there. And there is no more effective end result than happiness.

I think I am already on a good path about focusing on happiness and  joy, and letting them be what guides my life.

Writing? Check. I know that has always brought me joy. I have to keep focusing on my writing, and getting my writing out into the world. I love when people really connect with what I write and love my stories. 

Photography? Check. I love love love being a photographer. I want to do more to get my photography out there, and sell my work. I love when people love and appreciate my photography, when it brings them joy and makes them smile. I like that I can increase the joy in the world doing something I love. 

Following my heart? Check and check. My biggest joy — being with the one who makes my heart sing, who dances around the kitchen with me and sends my heart flying. 

What are you doing to focus on the end result of what will bring you the most happiness?  

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Wow, or a heart-felt thank you

There are gifts of beauty and wonder all around you. Sometimes you just have to look up. Sometimes you just have to be open to the beauty.

After a day of horrible stomach pains and energy-crushing fatigue and room spinniness, taking out the trash was the last thing I wanted to do.

But I hadn’t taken out the trash and recycling for two weeks, and there was no more room left in the barrel and bin.

So, Mikki and Tracy and I stepped out of the house last night to do the chore.

I walked out into a warm, clear night, where you could hear the wind and see everything illuminated by the bright moon. It felt like magic.

And then I looked up and came to a dead stop. There was a cloud circle around the moon. A perfect, giant circle, with the moon and its moonlight glow and circle dead center. It was amazing. I couldn’t stop staring.

I had seen this one or two other times down here, but it always stuns me with its perfect beauty, filling me with wonder and awe. Tracy and Mikki had never seen it.

Thank you Universe. Thank you for the special gift, for a beautiful end to my day.

Sometimes, you just have to look up to find the magic that is always around you.

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